Saving a Marriage from Infidelity

If you have discovered that you have a cheating spouse, then you have already experienced tremendous pain and heartache. Finding a cheating spouse is always difficult but unfortunately, it happens. Therefore, if you find this situation happening in your life, you can do certain things to try to salvage the marriage. While not all people want to save a broken marriage, some do.

For starters, you need to be able to communicate. Although initial communication may be tense and difficult, if you want to get past the affair, you have to talk. In fact, good communication is the foundation to any relationship. For this reason, if you found that your spouse has been cheating but you want to rebuild the marriage, start by opening the communication line. Just remember that in the beginning, there are hurt feelings so things spoken might be harsh. However, it is imperative you put it all out on the table, even if it means raising your voice.

Once you have vented, then the two of you need to sit down as discuss the situation as adults, trying to determine if the marriage can be salvaged. Keep in mind that the spouse who has cheated will be on the defense. In fact, he or she will likely tell you that your suspicions are all in your head and that you are being paranoid. However, you need to stand your ground, not becoming the victim any more than you already are. Instead, refuse to accept the lame excuses and insist that if the marriage is going to be saved, the two of you must be able to communicate about why infidelity happened in the first place. Now, you may be told some things hard to hear so be open to listening, as well as talking.

After the two of you have decided, you want to save the marriage you need to seek professional counseling. Although you can work some things out on your own, a professional will be able to provide you with the tools and resources necessary to succeed at reconciliation. This person will help the two of you discover why the affair happened and then teach you ways of healing the open wounds. A professional counselor is trained and educated but most importantly, unbiased. In addition, the counselor will help you discover if the affair was the result of a one-time flirtation, addiction to internet pornography sites, or issues within the marriage.

Once this discover is made, you will learn how to avoid the same situation in the future, obviously something that must be done if the marriage has a chance of survival. One of the challenges, especially in the case of internet sex is that both men and women believe no harm is done since there is no physical contact. The truth is that cyber-sex is just as detrimental as a physical affair. The fact that any interaction so personal has taken place is just as harmful as a full-blown affair.

Finally, if internet sex is the problem, then you need to understand it is an actual addiction. The problem is that even cyber-sex is intimate, two people sharing sexual fantasies. With counseling, the reason behind the action can be identified so the proper solution can be implemented. Keep in mind that even if your spouse has cheated on you via computer, you probably want to monitor the computer to ensure the addiction is broken. Remember, because this is an addiction for many people, it takes time to overcome. In addition, rebuilding broken trust takes time, which is why many spurned spouses will use some type of monitoring program to make sure this is not happening any more.

Just remember that the old saying "once a cheater always a cheater" is not necessarily true. However, you also do not want to provide the cheating spouse with any opportunity to do it again. Even if it means getting rid of the computer, then it would be worth it to save the marriage. The bottom line is that having a cheating spouse is devastating but with determination a commitment, it can be fixed. Most people who have discovered a cheating spouse will tell you they felt as if the wind had been knocked out of them when they found out.

Finding out that your spouse has cheated is a traumatic event that can shatter dreams and lives, specifically when children are involved. For people in this situation it feels as if the entire world has crumbled. Without doubt, infidelity is devastating, breaking down walls of trust and security. Learning all the details is excruciatingly painful but if you really love each other, you can work through the affair and build a stronger marriage. Will it take hard work - YES! However, for some couples, it is possible to put the broken pieces back together.