Internet Infidelity

The Internet has pervaded almost every aspect of our lives today. In some cases, even our sex lives have changed because of the Internet. Sex chat rooms are commonplace today, and, if you're looking, you can find every imaginable fetish and fantasy accommodated via a website or a chat room.

There is much controversy about whether relationships formed on the Internet or in a chat room are real, and if these relationships are infidelity if one or more participants are also involved in a monogamous relationship.

Meeting someone on the Internet is easy. It also seems very safe and harmless. People are more confident on the Internet. Part of this confidence sometimes comes from the fact that participants may embellish facts about themselves. Online they may present themselves as better looking, richer, and more interesting. Unsatisfied spouses may get involved in an Internet relationship because it seems harmless. However, more often than you might imagine, these relationships become attachments, and may become physical affairs, as well. As the participants spend more and more time talking, trust grows, and the talk turns into cybersex. Then, the participants are tempted to meet in person. According to Greenfield and Rivet, a survey company, 50% of people who chat online have eventually made phone contact with someone they met online, and 31% of people who chat online have had an online conversation that eventually led to real life sex.

Only you can decide whether you believe that online relationships constitute cheating in your relationship. However, even if you don't believe that these online relationships constitute infidelity, you will want to stop the relationship before it becomes a real life affair. There are some signs to look for if you think your spouse might be cheating online. They are:

• If your spouse suddenly wants privacy on the computer, even to the point that he moves it to another room.
• If your spouse seems to spend time on-line only while you sleep or are away from the house.
• If your spouse closes the screen when you come in the room.
• If your spouse suddenly has a new email account, or if accounts suddenly become password protected
• If he suddenly begins deleting files, and emptying the recycle bin or Internet cache
• If he suddenly starts spending much more time on the computer, but can't give a good explanation as to why

If you decide to broach the subject with your spouse, be prepared for him to completely deny any untoward activity. Or, he may admit to "flirting" with women online, but declare it harmless. He may try to make you feel like you're the one with the problem for questioning him. It's often wise not to broach the subject with your spouse until you have proof of what he's doing.

There are several ways to keep tabs on what your spouse is doing online. If he's not very savvy, you may simply be able to check the cache on your web browser to see the websites that have recently been visited. However, if you need more help, there are several products that can help you. There is software that records all websites visited, all email sent and received, as well as chats and instant messages. The software sends emails to your email address whenever activity is recorded, allowing you to keep real time tabs on your partner's activity.

There are also hardware devices that can be plugged into the back of the computer that perform the same functions. One of these might be a better option than software if your partner is very computer savvy, because these devices cannot be detected as easily as software.

If you suspect your spouse is cheating online, it pays to get the facts. You owe it to yourself to try and stop the activity before it ruins your relationship.